In 1973, columnist Art Buchwald published a list of excuses for the supports of the doomed Nixon Administration. After a few updates, it could be reused today. There are many updates to the original article on the web but most searches only find images. Here is the complete column.
WASHINGTON - These are difficult times for people who are defending the Nixon Administration. No matter where they go they are attacked by pseudo-liberals, McGovern lovers, heterosexual constitutionalist and paranoid John Dean believers.
As a public service, I am writing up a list of instant responses for loyal Nixonites when they are attacked at a party. Please cut this list out and carry it in your pocket.
1. Everyone does it.
2. What about Chappaquiddick?
3. A President can’t keep track of EVERYTHING his staff does.
4. The press is blowing the whole thing up.
5. Whatever Nixon did was for national security.
6. The Democrats are sore because they lost the election.
7. Are you going to believe a rat like John Dean or the President of the United States?
8. Wait till ALL the facts come out.
9. What about Chappaquiddick?
10. If you impeach Nixon, you get Agnew.
11. The only thing wrong with Watergate is they got caught.
12. What about Daniel Ellsberg stealing the Pentagon Papers?
13. It happens in Europe all the time.
14. People would be against Nixon no matter what he did.
15. I’d rather have a crook in the White House than a fool.
16. L.B.J. used to read FBI files late at night.
17. What’s the big deal about finding out what your opposition is up to?
18. The President was too busy running for office to know what was going on.
19. What about Chappaquiddick?
20. People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
21. McGovern would have lost anyway.
22. Maybe the Committee for Re-Election of the President went a little too far, but they were just a bunch of eager kids.
23. I’m not for breaking the law, but sometimes you have to do it to save the country.
24. Nixon made a mistake. He’s only human.
25. Do you realize what Watergate is doing to the dollar abroad?
26. What about Harry Truman and the deep freeze scandal?
27. Franklin D. Roosevelt did a lot worse things.
28. I’m sick and tired of hearing about Watergate and so is everybody else.
29. This whole thing should be tried in the courts and not on television.
30. When Nixon gives his explanation of what happened there are going to be a lot of people in this country with egg on their faces.
31. My country right or wrong.
32. What about Chappaquiddick?
33. I think the people who make all this fuss about Watergate should be shot.
34. If the Democrats had the money, they would have done the same thing.
35. I never trusted Halderman and Ehrlichman to begin with.
36. If you say one more word about Watergate I’ll punch you in the nose.
Or, A – If the person is bigger than you: “If you say one more word about Watergate I’m leaving this house.”
Or, B – If it’s your own house and the person is bigger than you: “What about Chappaquiddick?”